Rant

Guest

I'm utterly fed up with everything.
I'm so fucking pissed off.
Just at EVERYTHING.

Its like just when something about my life seems ok, it all goes to shit.
Everything does, school, home, and every single relationship I have with my close friends and others that are close to me.

I always get made fun of.
I'm never ready for tests.
I always seem to piss certain people off ALL THE TIME. (Just as I'm finding myself pissed off at them almost ALL THE TIME.)
And on top of all of that, I'm becoming increasingly paranoid of my piers, friends, and loved ones. (Every one of them.)

Its like I can't do ANYTHING without worrying about what they're saying about me, or who they're pretending not to know, or what they've been lying to me about.
And part of me is CONVINCED that they're doing all those things.
And when I try to convince myself otherwise, the other side of me completely disagrees and negates every point I had, and thus becomes stronger.

It keeps me up at night, to tell you the truth.

Its just getting to the point where I just want to get away from EVERYONE.

I seriously just want to break down and cry and lie on the floor in the fetal position all day and not get up.

I don't know what else to do, I feel like I'm a failure at everything and I can't ever do anything right, so what's the point?
What's the point of going to school if I'll just feel stupid?
What's the point of talking to my "friends" if one of them will (yet again) make a joke that goes too far?
What's the point of trusting someone when you're just giving them the opportunity to go out and break you?
What's the point of even writing this, since I'm sure I'm going to get the opposite of the response of I want from certain people?

I don't know.

I'm just at a loss.

I wanna be held...

But at the same time I don't.

I don't expect a reply from anyone about this.
It is just a rant, after all.
It gave me some venting space.

But if you do reply, for the love of God, please don't reply with how much you utterly love me.
It'll just make me feel guilty for posting this.
I know you <3 me, and I <3 you too.

The last thing I'm doing this for is attention.
I just needed an outlet.

Guest

Ya know what's great? Not caring. You just have to learn to not care about some stuff in your life, and you'll do fine. Caring about some things is a mistake, if your friends duke it out, say that you're stepping out, it's not your battle. Ignore people who are bugging you, they'll go away, or they'll start to look funny to other people because your not paying them any attention and they're still bugging you.

Take a breather Kero-chan, get away from everyone. I don't really think it's the place your in that's killing you, but the people. Just go somewhere for a while and dissapear with Kas, it's nice to vanish Smile

and taking along the BF is a bonus Very Happy

. I've actually learned to avoid people SPECIFIALLY for the reason that they drive me mad Very Happy

. All you really need is a BF and a couple of friends here and there.

Not to sound strange or rude, but I think you have paranoia. The whole worrying about people thing sounds a bit paranoid, I think you gotta relax that aspect and just let things be the way they are. Lol, of course I've never really experienced the whole MEH attitude, my BF has...he calls it being Enlightened? (I call it not caring...lawl).

Oh on a sidenote: I'm never ready for tests....EVER. In fact, today I actually didn't even go for my math Exam. That's right...I failed math lol..guess the cost of the course. I have huge insomnia's about Math, I suck at it...period. I stopped caring though, because it's done for.

Guest

Well, I must say that your "not caring" attitude has had an impact on me. :]

A lot of theatre shit happened today:
a) I didn't get the job at Sea World.
b) Auditions for One Acts was today, and I only got called for two. (One Acts is the advanced theatre final, we put on a free show and there are four directors with their own scenes. Let's put it this way: I didn't get called for very good roles.)

And I feel a lot better after reading that, to tell you the truth. :]

I'd honestly agree with you that I have paranoia.
Its the way I've been raised, I think.
"Don't talk to strangers, don't go anywhere alone, don't linger by the fencelilne." really had an impact on me, I guess.
Negatively, lul.

I need to start meditating or something.
@_@

Guest

The biggest thing I can say is to look inside yourself, to see how great of a person and how ORIGINAL you are. Don't bother with other peoples' successes, just know that the things you do are your work and your specail touch (like Kero and Musique, like your art and writings).

and btw, we need to make a "I suxors at teh mathxors club"

Subject: Re: Rant Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:56 am

I am so in tat club. Praise the F in math. cheers

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